Curse My Good Looks
by the steaks will be razed
Summary: Kitty decided to bring her niece to work while her parents are on their honeymoon. When the little lagomorph lays her eyes on Dudley, she will make sure he has fallen head over heels for her too. Story is way better than the description.
1. Who is he?

"No, on your hands, like this!" Jackie did a little cartwheel before performing another one, stopping half-way, and starting to walk around T.U.F.F. HQ in little circles.

"Alright, I'll try…" Kitty tried performing this move for her visiting niece, but still having half of your whiskers lost and performing this move in heels were a lot harder than it seemed. She eventually fell, and laughed with her niece half-heartedly, feeling a little grumpy for being outdone by a twelve-year-old lagomorph. Don't ask me how the wolverine and bunny… ah… "Socialized", but they just did.

She decided that there was no reason to feel inferior at her balancing skills. She was in heels, a slightly uncomfortable skin-tight suit that actually left little ability to move, and had half of her whiskers gone. Jackie was also in the circus in Korea. Well, it was more of a freak show, but she still had to find something to do to keep the crowd to stay.

"It's okay, auntie. It took me _forever!_ Ooh, who's he?" The little cute lagomorph looked at Keswick with big, sparkly, black eyes. Kitty smiled and walked up to him, Jackie on her tail.

"Hi Keswick. This is my niece, Jackie! She's staying with me until my sister Katie is back from the Philippines with her husband, Max." Keswick looked from Jackie who had a huge smile on her face to Kitty with a huge look that said both 'dumbfounded' and 'Are you completely insane?'

"A-a-are y-you co-co-comp-p-pletely in-n-n-nsane?" Keswick was stuttering more than usual now that he was nervous. Poor guy, having tic-disorder. Either that or trying really hard to control those tourrettes. (A/N: tic disorder is a disorder involving facial twitches- tourrettes (how do you spell that?) is a disorder where you blurt out things you don't mean to say.)

"Ah, don't worry Keswick! I found that memory eraser you had stored under your bed." Keswick looked about ready to have a heart-attack. First a little girl came into T.U.F.F. Headquarters, no doubt wanting to tell her friends about it, and then Kitty found out that he lived in the headquarters themselves, (creepy) and now she went through his stuff, no doubt seeing all of those Agent Nutty blackmail plans and pictures of RITA.

"N-n-n-no! T-t-this is a-a-absol-l-lutely n-no-no-not accep-p-ptable!" He pointed a finger in the air as the chief just hopped in, the magnifier hovering behind him.

"_What_ is going on here? Oh, Kitty, I see you've brought your niece here." Keswick just fell to the floor anime style while the lagomorph poked him until he blinked his seemingly huge eyes open and got up with a moan.

"Hello!" Jackie gave him a big, toothy grin, showing off her large, wolverine teeth that were pearl-white.

"A-a-and going d-down!" Keswick said, barely whispered, as he fainted once more. The little bunny that could easily take place of Hello Kitty shrugged and turned around, not taking interest in the… not taking interest in the Keswick. She smiled at the commissioner who gave her a bright smile back and said "Welcome to T.U.F.F Headquarters, Jackie!" She giggled, her ears tied together with a pink bowtie bobbing up and down. Kitty smiled down at her cute niece.

She looked extremely innocent with those big, black eyes. Her white fur was combed perfectly, not a hair out of place. She was barefooted but that didn't matter, since there was no shoes she liked that were in her size, or even in the girls/women section. She was wearing a pink dress with white lace for the fringe. It also had small white polka-dots everywhere. She looked the picture of innocence, odd enough considering her father was _the_ Max, her best friend being her father's partner/legal husband, Sam. (A/N: Inside joke. If you have ever read, seen, or played _Sam & Max_ you would know that they have been best friends since the beginning, even taking baths together, and probably have stayed together for seven years which legally means they're married.) Her father carried around a gun shoved… somewhere… So Kitty believed that her adopted sister had just adopted Jackie.

"Hey, since when were kids allowed in HQ?" The lagomorph looked absolutely love-struck when her eyes lay on Dudley. She was in awe about his beefy, German Shepherd-like chest, his muscular running legs, and the waffles he was holding in his right hand, his floppy ears that resembled hers slightly, and his face. His face was the best part to her, and his voice.

"Oh, hey Dudley," Kitty said boredly.

"Dudley…" Jackie whispered, still doe-eyed.

"Oh, Jackie, this is a co-worker of mine, Dudley Puppy." Dudley smiled brightly and said "Hey Jackie! Nice to meet you!" She shook his hand lightly, admiring his face still. Eventually she popped into reality and said "O-oh, hi Dudley…" she blushed lightly as this, though it was well-hidden by her fur.

"I like your dress! It reminds me of my mother in photos of her when she was younger." Jackie's ears wilted when he said she reminded him of his mother, but he quickly said "Er, uh…" He side-stepped to Kitty and whispered "What should I say?" She gave him an icy glance and turned to Jackie and said "What he _meant_ to say was that he liked your dress and reminded him of his mother when she was young and pretty, _right_ Dudley?" She turned to Dudley, fire in her eyes. She had heard from Max her niece had low self-esteem, so Kitty practically had steam coming from her ears.

"Uh, yeah. Exactly what I meant." Jackie's ears suddenly stood erect as she had been called pretty by Dudley, whether she knew it was coming directly from him or not.

"Uh, yeah, I love kids. Hey, you wanna take a tour of T.U.F.F.?" He eyes twinkled once more, thinking of this great chance to get to know her little crush, and said "Y-yes, of course!" He smiled and said "Great! First, let's start with the snack room!"

Jackie was going to enjoy her day, and made sure that Dudley fell in love with her.


	2. Chapter Two

**Hello! This is my second chapter! No summary needed, just read and review. By the way, some of you have been asking what a lagomorph is. If you go into my profile, you can see what it is and where I got it. For now, it is any mammal that is an herbivore. In a certain favorite game of mine, though, a lagomorph is a cross between a wolverine and a rabbit. That's why I mentioned the rabbit-wolverine socializing thing. In the description, my favorite version of a lagomorph looks like a regular bunny except they have the jaws of a wolverine, so their heads are water-melon shaped. Alright, onto the good stuff! Btw, this will be longer than the others.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Sam & Max, T.U.F.F. Puppy**_**, **_**Artemis **_**Fowl, **_**Codename: Kids Next Door,**_** or **_**Batman**_**.**

"… And this is the bathroom." Dudley gave a hand gesture to the public drinking fountain. Jackie turned a little green, but it soon faded away as Kitty was suddenly heard yelling "Dudley, get in here!" Dudley quickly walked into the main room, scooping Jackie up bridal style. Jackie almost fainted from this indirect hug he was giving her.

He quickly ran in and set her down as Kitty was talking to the Chief.

Jackie was saddened as she was set down, but her ears perked up as she heard the two, now three, talking about her.

"… But Chief!"

"No, no Kitty. I know you want to protect your niece, but this new device Keswick whipped up will make sure she won't even get a scratch. You want her to have a good time, don't you?" She saw Kitty have steam once more pouring out of her ears until she angrily said "Oh, so you think that she won't have fun just hanging out with me?" No reply came from anyone.

"Well," Dudley was about to try to compliment her until he decided to take a different direction. "She might be able to help up with those ears of her." Kitty scoffed and rolled her eyes as she said "Dudley, we _both_ have excelled hearing." Chief sighed and finally said "Alright Kitty. You can have your way." They all turned to see the lagomorph standing right behind them. She almost immediately asked "Why can't I come? The dog-kangaroo-thingy will keep me protected with something! Pleeeeaaase?" She looked up at Kitty, making her eyes as huge as possible. Kitty gave her a stern look, but she frowned a little and put on her best sad face. Kitty's face softened and she eventually said "Alright, alright. You can come." She sounded exasperated as if not wanting to take two kids along, but she gave a small smile when Jackie immediately perked up.

"Yay! Let's go right now!" Jackie was practically bouncing on her heels now as Kitty and Dudley rushed to the T.U.F.F. mobile.

"Ooh! Wow! This reminds me so much of the Bat-mobile!" Kitty and Dudley frowned as they saw the resemblance. It looked like an animal, it was pitch-black, and it had a lot of spy gadgets. They quickly shooed the thought away as Jackie pulled them both in and hopped into the backseat.

"Alright, Jackie, here you go." Dudley handed her a small box (not cube, box) that had a red button on it and four rectangular holes on the rectangular sides. He placed it on the middle of her dress and pressed the button. As soon as he quickly pulled back his hand, the box sprayed some yellow liquid onto her which quickly soaked in and disappeared, leaving her fluffy and her dress dry. She gave a curious eye before Kitty informed her "It sprayed a chemical into your skin so that, yes, you will be hurt, but the white blood cells quickly and efficiently attack any germs and heal any wounds you have within seconds. It might hurt during the healing process, but it definitely works." Jackie smiled and said "Alright, now what are we doing?"

Kitty started up the car before saying "We're gonna catch the Chameleon. Have you heard of him?" Jackie smiled and said "You mean the salad dressing?" Kitty let out a soft laugh before saying "He has a suit that can transform him into anything he wants." Jackie gasped and smiled as they quickly turned a sharp corner. Eventually they arrived at a hospital where the Chameleon was currently recovering from a serious injury from the last case. He was about to be set free from the hospital when Kitty and Dudley stepped up to handcuff him.

"Not so fast Chameleon. Just because you spent your time surrounding by a bunch of ill people doesn't mean you won't go to prison." The Chameleon didn't say anything, just stared at the two, and then his eyes layed on the lagomorph.

"Ooh, and who's this little specimen you two have? Did she commit a crime? I suppose not. Did I do a crime? NO! I was just sneaking in to take some nuclear weapons D.O.O.M. stole from me." Kitty sneered as she threw him into the back of the car. They quickly stripped him of his suit, having thrown a blanket over him first, and gave it to Jackie to hold onto. Her devious mind she got from Max suddenly gave her an idea. It was perfect.

Once they arrived at T.U.F.F. Headquarters, they lifted him out of the backseat and dragged him in, putting a complicated-looking blindfold on him.

"Alright Chameleon, since you can obviously sneak out of prison while having learned_ nothing_, we decided we have to take you to Headquarters to do your time." He gave a huge grin, but it immediately disappeared as soon as she was done saying "As an activity you can and will do here, you will be tested on for Keswick's experiments, to make sure they are generally safe to the public." Dudley turned to Jackie and said "I'll take that suit now… Thanks!" Jackie waved good-bye as Dudley took the suit into a large vault. She gave an evil grin when he was gone. She pulled out the real Chameleon's suit, thinking it was devious of her to give him a regular prison suit, just quickly rubbed on with bitumen-13 and had green chalk make fancy patterns. Thank goodness for that case in Hoboken involving all of that rock and chalk.

She slipped into the real lavatory and quickly jumped into a stall. She slipped her dress of and untied her bowtie. She placed these on the wooden stump, making a mental note to immediately clean them, and slipped into the Chameleon's suit. It was the right size for her thinness, but it was a little too long, and the tail part was completely useless, since she didn't even have a tail. It happened after the incident back at LEP. She slipped the hat part on which was a bit misshaped, but she made it work. She concentrated and concentrated until she finally morphed into what she had desired. She ran out and looked at herself in a mirror.

"Perfect."

"Dudley, have you seen Jackie? I can't find her!" Kitty's hair was in a tangled mess from practically ripping it out and her fur was standing straight. Dudley shrugged and said "She left a note. It said she was going to her house to get something she forgot." Kitty seemed to instantly relax as she plopped down in the seat next to him.

"Here, have a bagel. You look like you could eat a truckload right now." Dudley and Kitty smiled at each other until Kitty turned to grab a bagel. Just before she did, though, the Chief hopped in and said "Great news! We have a new custodian!" Dudley and Kitty turned around, wondering when they ever needed the position of a custodian, until they saw the crumbs, the blood/ketchup stains, a mouse here and there, yes, the kind that don't talk, and the mildew growing here and there. They fully turned around to see the Chief standing next to a woman about their age.

Kitty smiled and stood up to greet her while Dudley just drooled on himself. There, standing next to Chief, was a cold stone fox. Well, technically a wolf, but she looked absolutely gorgeous, and even a bit sexy.

She was a wolf, about their height as well, that had grey fur all over, a bit of white on the end of her tail and around her snout, the tips of her ears, her paws, and her stomach and chest. She was skinny, yet well-built and had the stunning yellow eyes of an enchantress. Her tail was long and fluffy, and her ears looked razor-sharp like her pearl-white teeth. She didn't show her gorgeous jaws off, though. She just smiled and waved. No, she was not naked. She managed to add an ivory halter-top and a short, pale skirt. She even got the fur on her head to grow a little long so as to give her a haircut that made her look even more beholding. And Dudley definitely wanted to hold her. Or, at least her hand in marriage. (A/N: We all saw how quickly and far he took Frenchy or whatever the fake poodle's name was.)

She was also wearing a nametag that said "Hi, my name is Rose." She was more creative than the Chameleon; we all have to admit that. When she saw Dudley's tongue hanging out of his mouth, she blushed and said "Um, hi, my name's Rose." Dudley quickly jumped up and sped past Kitty and shook her paw furiously as he said "Hi Rose! That's a really pretty name! My name's Dudley!" "Rose" blushed at him calling her pretty once more and said "I like your name." He smiled greatly and suddenly frowned.

"Uhm, urgh, I think…" He suddenly ran over to a dead plant and barfed in the dry soil that surrounded it. Rose wanted to throw up herself, but he quickly rushed to the drinking fountain and continued to hurl some more.

"Hi, welcome Rose," Kitty said. Rose smiled and said "Hi Kitty! Oops! I, uh…" She couldn't find any way to cover up her mistake, but Kitty quickly caught on. She wasn't stupid after all.

"Oh my gosh, Jackie? Is that you?" Rose sighed and said "Yeah, it's me." Kitty's light bulb quickly turned on and she said "You stole the Chameleon's suit?" (A/N: By now the Chief left.)

"Yeah, I guess I wanted to make Dudley like me, so I stole the suit and went through one of Keswick's photo albums of old girlfriends." Kitty was dumbfounded by the fact her sweet niece stole the Chameleons suit, has a crush on Dudley, and the fact that Keswick had a girlfriend that looked so bewitching!

"Pleeeaaassseee don't tell Dudley. I don't want him to hate me! That would be so awful! Please please please please please!" Kitty eventually sighed after much more pleading and said "Alright, alright, I won't tell him. You do know that you're gonna have to take off that suit, though, right?" Jackie sighed and said "Yes." She gave a little frown before turning around and heading for the bathroom. She stepped in and something suddenly occurred to her.

"She never said _when _I had to take the suit off." She smiled deviously once more and poked her head out of the door. She looked around until she saw Dudley. She spotted Kitty walking to her cubicle and decided this was a good time to talk to him.

"Hey Dudley," she said as soon as she was within his hearing distance.

"Oh, uh, hey Rose!" Dudley said uncertainly. He felt his stomach moan some more, but he tried to ignore it the best he could and said "So, I was wondering, would you like to do something? With me? Later?" Jackie smiled and said "Like a date?" Dudley spun around and threw up again. He slowly turned around and bobbed his head up and down. She practically oozed happiness, not even paying attention to the slight vomit surrounding his mouth, and said "Sure! Where should we go?" Dudley smiled and said "I know this great restaurant in this really fancy elevator!" Rose thought this was odd, but agreed anyways.

"Great! I'll see you tonight, then? At eight o' clock?" Rose shook her head and practically melted when Dudley wrapped his strong arms around her and said "Awesome! I'll get ready right now!" He sped off, not paying attention to Rose shouting to him saying "Wait, it's only four thirty!" She smiled and thought '_Wow, I'm going on a date! With Dudley! I love today!' _She suddenly thought about Dudley asking advice from Kitty and she mentally kicked herself. '_Well, if I'm lucky, he probably knows what to do. Then again, that means this won't be his first date. Oh well.'_ She then went into the bathroom and changed. She, with a great effort of strength, lifted up the log and set his suit underneath the log, hiding it for now.

**And there you have it! I really need more reviews… Anyways, what has Jackie done? I wonder what she'll say if and when Dudley proposes… Should she say yes or no? This is a question I have yet to answer… Oh god. I just got an image in my head. Eww…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Sorry I took so long, I just strayed off to another story… Anyways, here it is! Please review, I need a sign that people are actually reading this. Please.**

**Since it's now rated T (for reasons contained in this chapter) those of you not age appropriate to read this, go down at the bottom and read the summary.**

'_**Anything like this is Kitty's thoughts, nobody elses.'**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own T.U.F.F. Puppy or Max and his sleazy pick-up lines.**

"Hey Kitty!" Dudley happily bounced up to her, eager to tell her the great news.

"Hey Dudley, something wrong?" She looked up from her tuna fish sandwich to see their faces inches away.

"I got a date with Rose! Isn't it great!" He leaned in more so that their noses were touching. Thank goodness Kitty had fur. She blushed furiously and backed away, but Dudley stayed.

"Okay, so I recommended that fancy restaurant in the elevator, so could you be our waitress again?" Kitty suddenly remembered a key fact.

"Um, Dudley, you can't go." He frowned and asked "Why not?"

'_Think Kitty, think!'_ She suddenly got an idea and groaned inwardly. "Uh, b-because I… I need you!" Dudley, being the idiot he was, just got a confused face and said "What do you need me for?"

'_Thank goodness he's an idiot.'_ Kitty grabbed some doodles she did in her spare time and a stapler and handed them to Dudley as she ordered him to make a staple border.

"On it!" He ran to his cubicle leaving Kitty there wondering what to do. An idea popped into her head again and she immediately hated it. There wasn't another way so…

She decided to talk to her niece first. She randomly walked around T.U.F.F. until she spotted the little bunny giving Keswick another heart attack.

".. in San Francisco Bay!" Keswick clutched his heart and fainted on the ground while Jackie just shrugged her shoulders and turned right where Kitty stood. "Jackie, Dudley told me he's going on a date with you, or, more specifically, _Rose_. Is this true?" Jackie just stood there, trying to make up a believable excuse, when she finally sighed and said "Yeah, but can you blame me? He's soo smokin' HOT!" '_Horny schoolgirl.' _"I mean, come on! I see the way you look at him too!" Kitty blushed and said "Oh, you mean like this." She was currently angry, so Jackie nodded and said "Yeah, but when you look at Dudley, it's more of a loving manner." Kitty was just impatient now.

She sighed and said "Well, Jackie, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to cancel that date." Jackie's ears drooped as she walked into the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, she came running out, looking extremely panicked.

"The suit's gone!" Kitty immediately ran into the bathroom to try to look for it. She heard a door slam and lock and realized it was the bathroom door. She heard a muffled voice say "Sorry Kitty. I… wanna tell him myself." '_Why did she lock me in the bathroom though? Ugh, the logic of a twelve-year-old.' _She looked around the bathroom, eventually finding the Chameleon's suit, and slipped it on. It was a little snug, but it was a fine fit. She then morphed into a fly and got out from under the door. She remained a fly and tried looking around.

Dudley was talking to Keswick and shaking him back and forth. He eventually yelled back and walked into the elevator. Dudley punched his fist in the air and jumped into a plant, coming out in half of a tuxedo. He was then randomly searching around for Rose. '_Aw, I don't want to disappoint him, but I need to make sure he falls out of love with Rose. Here goes my plan' _Kitty morphed into rose, but wearing a red dress, and walked towards the elevator. She was soon met by Dudley and he happily said "Alright! You're here!" Rose nodded and said "Yeah, the freaky sexy atmosphere is nice with you around now." He just looked at her with a scrunched up nose. She sighed and said "Say, how about I get a tour? We could start off with that _closet_ over there…" His eyes widened and he backed away blushing.

"Uh, who are you and what have you done to Rose?" Kitty growled sexily and said "Or rather, what is your Rose going to do to you? All. Night. Long?" She snaked her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. He was now sweating and slightly struggling to get off of her. She then leaned in and whispered in his ear that I, the narrator, have no business repeating. Dudley then practically melted out of her arms and almost yelled at her, the blush barely visible through his fur, "Look Rose, I changed my mind. Maybe you can have a sleazy playboy," that made Rose almost burst into laughter and change back. "But I am off limits! We… we're done!" He threw his hands in the air and ran away. Rose sighed and changed back into Kitty. She then packed up the suit and threw it into a closet at random and saw a Desoto ram its way into the street.

"Jackie, you're parents are back!" Kitty yelled. She had no idea why they were here on the first day, but it doesn't really matter. Max and her sister came out along with the driver, Sam, and walked up to the building. Kitty smiled and shoved Jackie out the door and slammed it hard. She sighed and said "Glad they didn't ask to come in. Wait… Omigosh! I forgot about that one drawing!" She blushed furiously and ran to Dudley who was sadly making staple borders.

"Hello! I-i-is anybody co-co-coming?" Keswick said as he patiently waited for the two lovers to come.

**There you have it. I was hoping it would be longer, but whatever. Okay, for the kids: Kitty found out about Dudley and Jackie's date, so she went to talk with Jackie. She then got locked in the bathroom and Kitty used the suit, which Jackie left behind, to sneak out of there and go find Dudley. She then got a plan and turned into Rose. She then flirted with him until it became uncomfortable and he dumped her. Jackie's parents came extremely early so Kitty sent Jackie on her way and just went on with her normal day, leaving Keswick wondering where Jackie and Rose were. REVIEW PLEASE! I only have, like, one!**


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